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wide-eyed & weaponized
fictive w/intricacies rare & banal
🖤💥.💥🖤
those old friends (or just that one)
you have abandoned to a drought
of years-- last conversation
about literary criticism and tolstoy
left interrupted-- and you greet
reanswering how much land a man needs--
what has happened, happens still--
a gathering of counterpoint and tension,
this now, w/o space--
which is bathetic (i confess,
i confess, i do) but-- this moment
slivers its rail of rain
continuously, permanantly falling,
hitting-- the world so much
impressionable wave--
and i, i am facades of mirror
upon vestige of puddle and gutter--
a sewer of river and sea
wrought of silvers grave--
o, love--
i have no right
but by your grace
you give me
my predilections are few:
that i wish i were better
than i wish i was
the guilt of having torn
love
from a woman
that there is no light
but what i see by
the moon
a bitter cup
that i am a writer
that i write less
and less
so many things i do not care for
for sometimes being good
at something else
that nothing clicks
in all these ceaseless shifts
that yes the beat of this drum
is rhythmless
that i eat lemons
and sugar
and drink tea
that i've thought of goji
that i've thought of sons
that these letters sent to everyone
are sent to you
these predilections are few
but they possess such
irreproducible potential
and that's enough.
 
the virginity of sublimity
which in this instance
is loss and apophenia
and the reach of neurons
like anemones upon themselves
and love i now suppose
the pit in the pearl
of want to say what i sing
and all this is bullshit
gabriel
but even if every star
in its indeterminate living
is wrong i am right
not strong
i.
too many promises kept--
that there be no images to idolize
but the feminine
be it roe from the gut of a sunfish
be it smoke rising exhausted
in curls of angel hair
that i write my own sutra
that i live my own psalm
warmth sung of
tho i remain cold
that i fail
as do the batteries of stars
as does the protean wall of night
as do the cilia of every reaching root
and crystal upon every hoary leaf
in order to be accurate
in my assessment
of the truth of things
that i lie
politely
politically
and poetically
without reprise
--a drop of wine
in a tumbler of tequila
blood for the spirit
a toast
proportions inversed.
ii.
i'd speak more
if i had anything to say
worth listening to
if my whispers
would not themselves break
the dawn
i'd strike the above
with all the cupidity
of a poisoned arrow
were my mind not made in echo
of a lightning bolt
upon the gathered serenity
of your eyes
and i'd burn the above
but to hell with hell
my words are swords
reduced to scalpels
of those sins
those cancers
of both war and peace
and your eyes are balm.
iii.
should you age early
mature slow
tulips roses
shallow burials
bright graves
wrong
tulips roses apple grape oak
bone
but mostly
skin fire-lit
by mind upon same.
iv.
stealing kisses
from the ground--
snow upon brow.
v.
love you
all of.
i miss your fire
and i miss your fire
and i miss you, your eyes--
the underbelly of pine
indirect upon mountain blue--
windless and supple your gaze--
here are my hands, keys after keyholes--
here are my eyes, thermals of snakes
and birds of prey--
here is my glut of gulf, my stars--
my time, my space--
what better headstone
if not entirety itself--
that large contrail that plumes
in pressure and plummets--
what better epitaph
than a sincere lack of fate--
i miss your fire--
the coalesced embers of you--
my heart is tinder--
my mind is kindling--
my soul erased.